SpanishRed

Bizarre Things In My Inbox

Bizarre Things in My Inbox

Calling his bluff. I think he's been watching too many horror movies

Open Letter to a Fetlife Noob

A few years ago, I headed into New York City. There were lights and screens and crowds and horns. Everyone was rushing somewhere, and the longer I stayed, the more exhausted I became. Some places are home, and some places are so different from hom...

Brat Lessons

Yesterday someone said I should give brat lessons because they thought I was a superior brat. Bwahahaha! Bwaaaha! Sorry. What I meant to say is of course I’m good at being a brat. I’m the most courageous, sneaky, brave, bold brat who ever was....

The All Subs Doctrine

If K&P is much to go by, figuring out subs' needs is like trying to beat Gu Li at Go. That’s why Psychic Dom has a veritable treasure trove of knowledge about how to detect our sadness and fix it through 101 forms of kinky therapy. Psychic D...

Learning Loneliness

Being single for the better part of five years teaches you how to be alone without being lonely. My god, I could find happiness anywhere in those days. Who needs sex? I had this. There were times when I craved a man’s body, but the need...

Things I Believed About the Kink Scene and What Actually Happened

I will definitely get laid when I go to my first play party.

What actually happened: <pulls out calculator> I have attended 3,250 play parties. I have been laid 425 times. This is not the correct math. I would like correct mat...

2023-08-19 04:48:44 +0000 UTC View Post

David Attenborough Explains Why Fetlife's Women Are Defecting to Antarctica

Antarctica! One of the sparsest landscapes on earth, but an astonishing species has begun to make a home between the icicles: 99-year-old females have settled here from a far-away island called Fetlife. Why did they come here? Why do they look so ...

There's a Particular Kind of Sub We've All Met

There’s a particular kind of sub we’ve all met. Let’s call her Adena. She knows 10 slave positions and will perform them on cue. Yes, Adena takes obedience seriously, so she always goes the extra mile. Have you seen the flogger she wove out ...

If you don’t respect what we do as subs, you will never be able to handle our power.

I recently met a domme with a three-page list of demands for her successful subly candidate. She was expected to quit her job, attend therapy sessions, absorb the household’s spiritual beliefs, and adopt their eating habits. She described all of...

Gross Things in My Inbox

I just realised there are no spotting rules on Patreon

So I'm starting a series of gross things in my inbox. 

You Need Two Brains for Kink

“Look left, look right, then run like hell.” That’s what my dad taught me when I was a child.
“Look left, look right, but never, ever cross the road. You’ll probably get run over by a car.” That’s what my mom taught me.

I ma...

Casual Sex the Neanderthal Way

We're all lucky enough to be part of a sex-positive community, which means we get to participate in enough shades of sex to create our own kinky rainbow. Want to be poly? Excellent. Want casual hook ups? Awesomesauce. Want a serious, monogamous re...

Love Is...

Love is not the painting. It’s the crack in the wall with the paint chipped off. Love is not the Christmas present or the day at the beach. It’s the tears in between and the drying of them. It's the corner with the carpets scuffed off.

L...

There Are No Easy Tricks to Doing Fetlife as a Shy, Awkward Guy

Three years ago, I decided to find out whether I could cut it as a male Fetlifian. I gave my sock puppet the username, Twitch, uploaded some cute Calvin and Hobbes memes, and posted an avatar in a sexy white linen shirt.

Twitch wasn't partic...

Things You Don't Know About Being a Woman

• Being a woman is more expensive. Unlike men, we have to pay for tampons, the pill, HRT, and bras, but we can touch our bewbs any time we like. Beat that, Bucko.
• They purposefully don’t put real pockets in our clothes because then ...
  2023-08-12 05:48:40 +0000 UTC View Post

Jarod Thinks You're Triggered

You've met Jarod before. He once left a racist comment on your writing, then called you triggered when you confronted him on it. Jarod is sorry you're so traumatized by opinions that are different from your own. Jarod thinks you should be more ope...

The Word Cis Just Acknowledges You Aren't the Only Valid Human. I Wrote a Fable for Those Who Still Don't Get It.

There once was a little blue unicorn who lived in a little blue town. All the unicorns there were blue there, so everywhere he went, his identity was validated. Blue was an awesome colour to be, otherwise there’d be other colours in that blue to...

Things Cis Men Need to Know About Bewbs

1. A hard nipple is not necessarily a turned-on nipple. If you encounter one in the wild, it might be because it’s Wednesday. It might be because the wind just blew. It might be because a bra seam got skritchy. If nipples and penises had an e...
   2023-08-07 05:43:55 +0000 UTC View Post

Shame is the Biggest Barrier to Great Writing

Feelings are the ink in every writer’s pen. If you can distil them, you can make magic, so self-awareness is one of your best assets. Want to know the worst of them? Shame.

Shame is the great silencer. It will dilute all those gorgeously-d...

Open-Minded? Us? Nuh-Uh

Fetlife can be like a giant catfight at times, and when drama strikes, it’s never long before someone shows up to say, “We’re supposed to be more accepting and open minded than this because we’re the kink community.” That’s a conflatio...

I Interpreted Men's Profile Details into Plain English

Slave trainer: Has been on Fetlife for five days and really wants to get laid.

Life coach: Has been on Fetlife for 10 days and is getting a bit clever, now.

Tantric practitioner: Has been on Fetlife for 30 days and is beginning to lear...

Being Friends with Exes (Early Access Post)

Fossil records have revealed that in vanilla society they have a cultural tradition called, “Being Friends with Exes.” As a Totally Legit Anthropologist, I consulted The Spirit of Ex boyfriends Past to ask if I could “Being Friends with Exes...

When a Man Leaves You in Increments

He left me in increments. First went his morning texts. Next went his Saturday night visits; then that old, exhausted smile that came after sex. Every absence fed a new insecurity in me. I knew he was half gone. I just couldn’t define the distan...

Subs are golden treasures that twinkle in the moonlight. Dominants are just there to call us “a gift.”

Subs and masochists are golden treasures that twinkle in the moonlight. Dominants and tops are mainly just there to call us “a gift.” We give them all the sparkling they adore, and in exchange, they express their infinite gratitude. This is ho...

You Can't Write Well Unless You Read Well

My writing mentor taught be that writers needed to practice two habits:

Journal every day.

Find reading that you adore.

You can’t write if you don’t love reading. You can’t learn the toolswithout a pile of books on your bed...

How Do Other People's Kinks Affect Your Daily Life Exactly?

There is only one submissive role that won’t get you shamed in the kink community: the altruistic, 100% obedient sub. In BDSM, we've got no room for human fallibility. Community mores state that thou shalt not be a brat. Thou shalt not be a serv...

So you’re RACK? Congratulations, but what do those letters mean to you?

Way back when BDSM hadn’t yet become a Fifty Shades enterprise, people cared a whole lot about acronyms. There was SSC and PRICK. There was RACK and CCCC, but if you put all those acronyms in a bucket and swirled them around, you still wouldn’...

Never Try to Be a Good Sub if You're With a Bad Dominant

Breathplay is life-threatening at the best of times, but with my epilepsy, the absence of oxygen is the fastest way to cause a seizure, so it was the first hard li...