SpanishRed

You can’t learn to be a sly dominant. You have to be born that way.

I’ve never won an argument with my friend, Batman. I’m a smart woman. I still can’t best him in a word battle. This isn’t because he’s more intelligent than me. It’s because I let him win.

What? It’s true. I am definitely the c...

Me, 18 months into Fet

I just dug up this odd little post I wrote back when I'd been on Fet for a year and a half. Here goes: 

This weekend I took a trip through my feed all the way from when I typed my very first words on Fetlife. That was about 1...

You Don't Get to Decide When Oppressed Communities Stop Talking About Their Oppression

“It’s time for everyone to stop focusing on race and gender. The world would be a happier place if we just ignored skin colour and gender.” - Norman

I’m a walking, breathing carbon cut-out of my own privilege. When ...

Last Night I Received a Long Goodbye

Last night I received a long goodbye from an old Fetlife friend who is leaving us for Vanilla Land. Goodbyes are the worst the kink community has to offer. I often wish this community lived on its own island so that when I wanted to see you, I cou...

Not all Suicides Are Rooted in Hopelessness (Trigger warning: Suicide, abuse mentions)

Some suicides happen because death seems more tolerable than life.
Some suicides happen because of hopelessness.

There’s a third suicide category that people rarely talk about, though: Some suicides happen because you don’t think you ...

Fuck Clitorises

Apparently a talent for oral sex does the ego good. Them’s the rules, because approximately 86.56% of the men I’ve shagged have bragged about their pussy-eating prowess. Only two of my exes really *were* pussy whisperers, and neither bragged a...

Vanilla Sex is Deviant

When I joined Fetlife, I thought D/s was a flaw that would earn me a psychiatric diagnosis. I was no longer capable of mixing with decent society. Only broken, fucked up people liked a pain and submission, or so I thought.

Fetlife was terrif...

Life Won't Send You a Sex Partner in the Mail Just Because You Want One Really Badly

Yesterday I wrote a post with a pretty uncontentious premise: If you don’t do kink events, you won’t integrate with the scene. If you don’t go out and meet kinky people, you won’t have play dates.

The Fetisphere insisted I was being ...

If you make a vanilla social circle, vanilla is what you’re going to get.

Jack says there aren’t any kinky people on Fetlife. Everyone is just here to look at smutty pictures. It’s Fifty Shades’ fault. It’s COVID’s fault. It’s Only Fans’ fault. Whatever the cause, this site just isn’t kinky enough for ou...

Know what you want. Be willing to take it. Know who you are. Be willing to show it.

Authenticity is my highest priority in a dominant. Your rope skills and infinite toy shelves are nice and all, but I’ll take an authentic man over The Red Room of Pain every single time. These men don’t dilute their identities with shame, apol...

An hour of phone ringing is just what women need to work out you’re Mr Right (Trigger warning: rape)

A few weeks back I blocked a follower. This is not a revolutionary act. People do it all the time. I thought he’d do what everyone else does when I block them: Write a post titled “SpanishRed is an ugly bitch who needs to stop talking about cu...

Leave Now Because He Hasn't Yet Closed the Door

He'll shower you with petals and starlight until you've invested enough to be tempted into a sunk-cost fallacy. That’s the last time escaping will be easy. Now the prison bars will rise up around you. You’ll start bouncing between abuse and eu...

Are You Carrying Half the Weight?

If you’re only carrying a few stones and some cash while your partner is lugging an entire house on her back, you have not won a gold star. I adore you, but you don’t get cupcakes. Men should be carrying half the weight in their homes.  2023-11-13 04:49:25 +0000 UTC View Post

Trying to Silence Dissenting Voices is Like Trying To Get Toothpaste Back In the Tube

I’m learning to play Go—an Asian strategy game in which you gain territory by surrounding and taking your opponent’s stones. My sensei loves metaphors, so she taught me that stones in certain configurations cannot be trapped. They will alway...

Don't Kill Me, But I Think We Could All Learn a Few Things From Vanillaville

Yesterday a vanilla man we’ll call Jack told me it was common sense to avoid edge play with uneducated tops. I can tell you exactly why he thought that way: He’s vanilla. The BDSM fairies haven’t scrambled his brain.

I told him it wasn...

Why 2024 Will Be the Year I Learn to Top

I’ve never done a BDSM class. I was once forced to attend a demonstration on yoni mattresses (or something), but that’s the only kink training I’ve ever done. I just raced into Kinkville on a unicorn and tried out all of the things. I didn�...

Solitude is the Safest Place I Know

If I decide you're my person you might as well staple yourself to me at the hip. I don't just love. I adore, but I adore my own company just as much. When life starts screaming at me, solitude is my shelter. It’s the safest space I know.

I...

We Met a Survivalist

We met a real survivalist at the top of the mountain yesterday. He's recovering from some pretty hectic problems, and now he cycles and rock hops all day...

Pictures from yesterday's climb

Yesterday, a friend and I climbed a small mountain called Elsie's Peak. Pictures coming up. 

This is our view from the top.  2023-11-10 04:57:32 +0000 UTC View Post

The Kink Universe Isn't Divided into Dangerous Assholes and Safe Prince Charmings

E saw himself as a Kink Lite Player. He was into breath play, impact play, and deepthroating. He thought these were “vanilla” kinks, so he didn’t need to exercise restraint. E wasn’t RACK. He wasn’t even PRICK. He didn’t know ...

This is not a post

I always feel the need to tell you when a post is not really a post so you'll make room for my shitty, lazy writing. I learned some interesting things yesterday and thought some of you might be interested. As you know, I've had a stalker for two y...

Why I'll Never Play With an Untrained Edge-Player Again

I’ve played with four sadists since I joined the kink scene. Want to know how many of them had learned how to play safely?

One.

Want to know how many thought about the risks inherent in their play?

One.

Want to know how m...

Random Kink Advice For Noobs

• Untying rope can cause blood pressure crashes which can, in turn, worsen some existing illnesses. Deep throating can lead to hemorrhagic lesions and STIs. Impact play can lead to renal failure. If you’re moving into an unexplored kink, don...
  2023-11-07 05:28:42 +0000 UTC View Post

Catching Up

Helloes! I'm a little behind on posting your public posts, but I want to let your exclusive post run its course before I catch up.

Don't Tell Me You Have Values. Show Me.

One of the first women I met on Fetlife was a leftist consent activist who ultimately admitted to having raped a man years before. She was sorry about it, though, and these days, she had a better working knowledge of consent. She swore it.  2023-11-07 04:55:51 +0000 UTC View Post

Open Letter to a Kinky Master

Dear MasterFrankenCock

Thank you for your message. I’m thrilled you came across my profile because the idea of being stripped and flogged by a 19-year-old master I’ve never met who lives on the opposite side of the planet has left me bel...

I will not allow my story to be destroyed

I’m an angry feminist. SpanishRed: Misandrist. That’s my name. That’s my label. Someone will write it up in my comment sections every time I write about gender-based violence. Angry white men are raging because I dare to break my silence; da...

The Domliest Sub You've Ever Met

I don't know if there's value to this post, really, but I feel like I should copy all my writings here, so here is a post I think might be crap. Sorry. 

Sven is the subliest sub you’ve ever met, a...

Abuse is a Great Lake That Drowns Everything

I always knew that my mother wasn’t the same as other mothers. It began with the black circles and ended with her inability to smile. She expected us to be invisible, so if you walked down a passage, you did it like they do in horror movies. If ...

Fet Restraining Orders Aren't the Solution to Every Stalking

Fetlife has a remarkably effective tool for dealing with stalkers. It’s called a Fetlife Restraining Order, and it requires both parties to block one another. From that day forth, neither of you may reference one another on the site again. If ei...