SpanishRed

Staying Safe in the Scene

On Wednesday night, I went to a play party. Consent was given. The right to “yes” was heeded, and we all lived happily ever after. The most dramatic thing that happened was that I decided not to have a cupcake. The vast majority of our events ...

Things Epilepsy Taught Me About Depression

I posted the original of this writing here a few days ago. I adapted it for depression. I thought it might be of some use, so I'm posting that adaptation here.

That the Brain is an Unreliable Fact Checker

When people think of epilep...

Two BDSM Noobs Do Not Make a Right

Fetlife is an incredible luxury. We have millions of kinky people and thousands of kink events at our fingertips. The ethics of WIIWD sink into your pores merely if you stand around the scene talking about cupcakes. We go to parties. We develop go...

Things That Would Happen if Fetlife Removed Commercial Profiles

For-profit events would drop off the face of the planet.

Fetlife is the only kink site big enough to give kinksters all over the world access to kink events. Other developers have tried to fill the same need and fail...

Things Epilepsy Has Taught Me

When people think of epilepsy, they think fall-down seizures, but that’s a tiny percentage of our symptoms. When a temporal lobe epilepsy sufferer gets control, they will typically complain about the seizures they miss.

 ...

BDSM is Like Hiking. You've Got to Walk at the Same Pace

When E and I started our relationship, our kinks beautifully. Somewhere along the way, though, I raced ahead. My preferences became increasingly extreme, and his stayed exactly where they'd always been. This happens, and if you’re not poly, it�...

My Sexuality Lives in the Mud

I love mud in my kink. You can have all the rainbows if you like. I don’t want them. I prefer filth and grit and authenticity. CNC is muddy. Every moment carries a thousand possibilities, and the anticipation of it drives me all the way into the...

Sometimes You Find Mr Right and Your Pathologies Don't Match

This is Drax. He has a snoot that needs booping.

He was intercepted on the way to a meat trade slaughterhouse. I feel ill just typing that. When he...

Please Don't Shout the Comment Filter Down. Some People Need It.

A year back, someone brought my profile to a halt by posting the same comment repeatedly in my threads for five hours. That’s one message a minute over… and over… and over. There was so much spam I couldn’t cut through the noise. When the ...

There’s an entire demographic of women who aren’t into the Vanderbilts and John Holmeses of this world.

This week I Google-stalked Jim B, the tall, absurdly rich man who picked me up in a bookstore and took me to his five-star hotel for a week of clumsy sex decades ago. I tracked him down because, for the life of me, I couldn’t visualise his face....

Things That Will Happen if You Don't Ban Predators from Kink Events

My bathroom tiles have begun to crack. This is a minor symptom, but I know enough to worry about what’s happening on the other side of the wall where nobody can see. A little moisture can cause a lot of destruction. Water will find its way throu...

My submission was just the trash my sense of worthlessness kept throwing out the window.

As a sub, I have two conflicting needs:

* To listen to my body’s inability to continue.

* To make my top happy.

When faced with cognitive dissonance, the human mind becomes desperate for one thing: to ...

When You Fall for a Man Who's Exactly Like You

My boyfriend, Norman, introduced me to H because our book shelves and CD folders were identical. We were two assholes in a pod, so when I broke up with Norman, H was the first person I called. Thus followed a five-year love story replete with an e...

Open Letter From a Dude Who Doesn't Like the Word "Cis" -- I Mean Redd

Dear Oxford University Press

As The People of the Dikshennery, you decide which words stay and which ones go. I would like to submit a complaint about one of the words in your book. I’ve noticed a lot of people have been referring to some ...

If a Woman Stands in a Forest and There Are No Men to See Her

When I was seven, Barbie was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. My grandmother used to tell me that it was easy to be slim at my age, but one day, my body would resist all my efforts. I would have to learn the discipline of starvation early, ...

Depression is a Tiny Monster Hidden Under Your Shirt (TW)

Depression is a tiny monster hidden under your shirt. You’ve got to take it everywhere you go without letting anyone notice. Monster is kicking. Monster is screeching. Monster is crying all over your blouse, which has been rendered transparent f...

Why I Won't Remove the Word "Cis" From My Vocabulary

The English Language consists of around a million words. I love the word obfuscate. I hate the word cunt. I’m not alone in having favourites. The most hated words in English are <duh duh duhn>:

Moist
Bulbous
Fester
Blog

A Note for the Grammar Police

I’ve spent most of my life with active epilepsy. I’ve taken a lot of temporal and occipital lobe damage, so I can’t always remember what the pet with the meows is. I’m somewhat face-blind, so I can’t tell the difference betw...

Shame

The Dark, the Sun, and Sexual Nirvana

I lost my virginity when I was 16 if you’re a censor, and earlier if you want the truth. In those days, sex was only about the finishing line. To get there, you jumped over a few hurdles, and then you went to sleep.

In the dar...

If Men Were Crocodiles

Woman: There are three Nile crocodiles between me and the doorway. Please help!

Alan: Have you tried calming down?

Woman: What?

Alan: Your problem is you’re feeling too anxious, so calm your...

2024-06-04 04:32:12 +0000 UTC View Post

Things That Will Happen if You Run a Kink Event

You’ve decided to run an event! This is going to be super fun!

• People will consider you a Leader of the Kink Community™, even if you just arrange a weekly coffee date. Did Jack tie Jill to the rafters without permission? It’s y...

  2024-06-02 12:41:15 +0000 UTC View Post

Waiting for a Life that Never Happens

In my favourite play, “Waiting for Godot,” two men head to a tree and wait. That’s it. That’s the entire play. By the end, nothing has happened. No progress has been made. We don’t even find out who Godot is or why we’re waiting. That�...

Self Worth Doesn't Care About Logic

Give Me the Truth, However Cruel

H and I lived a love story magical enough to turn into a rom-com. He adored me, so why wouldn’t I pack up my life and move to the other side of the province for him? Love is more important than career, isn’t it? So why wouldn’t you move to a...

Things Normals Should Know About Neurospicy People

• We’re spicy, not toxic. Neurospicy doesn’t always mean disabled. It just means different. Many of our spicy traits are highly advantageous. I wouldn’t be able to write if I was neurotypical. I wouldn’t even be interested in such th...

  2024-05-30 06:42:15 +0000 UTC View Post

It’s easy to find Mr Right on Fetlife

It’s easy to find Mr Right on Fetlife. No, really. Just hear me out. There are galeventy million people here. Eleventy-twelve thousand of them are interested in BDSM, and 10% of that demographic is sweet enough to buy you flowers and everything....

Intersectional feminism doesn’t claim that you have perfect lives. It only claims that oppression stacks.

I spent my early childhood eating the scraps my mother earned by fixing appliances in our apartment block. Life was tough for women in the Seventies. They couldn’t simply decide to become engineers or scientists. They had to make do with a tenth...

Being an Incel is a Bit Like Trying to Adopt a Dog

On Thursday I fell in love with a cute li’l floof called Snoop Dogg, but I was too late to adopt him. He already has a home pending. I cried a little, I’ll admit. I’ve been looking for a rescue to adopt since February. It’s been a difficul...

Sorry!

I'm having a very writerly day and trying not to overload you with content.